Being Grateful In The Midst Of The Storm And Don’t Miss Special Moments

At A Glance – Today’s post is a guest post from a dear friend. She reminds us gratitude is an attitude we should practice often. Our circumstances don’t determine our joy.

I Don’t Always Score High On The Gratitude Scale

We all know that an attitude of gratitude is something we should practice. It has far-reaching effects. Effects on our mental state for sure, but even on our physical well-being.

When I read my own words in the turquoise box above, I feel some imposter syndrome. Gratitude is not always my go-to state. I can, however, be motivated to have a better attitude with a little help from my friends.

Lessons From My Texas Friends

Most of my life was spent in Texas, so I still have many friends there who dealt with the Big Freeze of 2021. As temperatures dropped and water and heat became scarce, my prayers and concern increased.

I called and checked on many who were dealing with all sorts of issues. Thankfully, most were doing well. We laughed at how this was a “hurricane in reverse”.

Joy Comes From Our Choices, Not Our Circumstances

A special friend of mine, Brenda K., writes her own blog filled with practical instructions and encouragements from scripture. Her blog is called Smoother Sailing. How to’s from the Big Book. You can find her at smoothersailing.wordpress.com.

Her latest post reminded me about being grateful in the midst of the storm. And also, about not letting special moments go unnoticed. She writes about her experiences with neighbors and family. I was struck by her positive and cheerful words of how her family dealt with the hardships. Notice her description of having no power and heat!

It had me thinking…”Would I have viewed this scenario with such grace?” Probably not. But I was grateful for the reminder that our attitude is our choice. Our joy is not determined by our circumstances.

Guest Post From Smoother Sailing

I have reposted Brenda’s post from February 24, 2021. Enjoy.

The Thaw, Or Emergency Preparedness

Last week, a good friend urged me to write about the Great Texas Freeze. Now, though, as I look out at our sunny skies, I realize my topic of choice is actually The Thaw.

We had inches and inches of beautiful snow. It’s gone now. Did I gaze often enough, enjoy deeply enough, a sight I might never see again?

We had 36 electricity-free hours. In our house, the temperature dropped and the population rose as neighbors and loved ones without fireplaces gathered around ours. My living room is warm now, and empty. I hope I focused enough, valued deeply enough the chance to be close to those who graced our home.

Our neighborhood nearly ran out of propane, but didn’t because of a radical effort to conserve. We have plenty now, and I’ll never look at turning on our heat the same way again. Was I at peace enough through the uncertainty? ‘Not so sure,

My grocery order was cancelled as shelves emptied at the local HEB, yet we never ran out of fresh food. When I watched my refrigerator become emptier by the day, I toggled between the delight of seeing how we always had what we needed, and wondering if we’d be eating dry cereal and canned beans for a while. But as soon as stores re-opened, neighbors resupplied me when I didn’t even ask.

Then, of course, there was the week-long threat of frozen pipes. Some did. Ours didn’t. We own property in another city now, and there wasn’t any way at all to check on it until the roads cleared. It was fine. Most of the time, so was I.

When the thaw was complete and our lives back to normal, I had plenty of praising to do. I also found myself wondering how much goodness I missed while forgetting lessons I teach.

How much did I practice the verbs of these verses:

  • Cast your cares on Him.
  • Let not your heart be troubled.
  • Rejoice always.
  • Trust in the Lord.

When I did those things, the freeze and the resulting thaw brought joy to my heart. When I let the maybe’s and might’s and what if’s assail me, forgetting to bat them away with the Word of God, then my smile faded and my energy waned.

We are in The Thaw! I am thankful. A freeze like the one barely over may not ever come again. But something else will—to you and to me.  Get ready!

  • Sure, store a bit of extra food and water and medicine and paper goods.
  • Keep your gas tank at least half full.
  • But, most importantly, keep practicing these verbs of the Bible: Cast. Let not. Rejoice. Trust.

Then you’ll be ready for anything.

Brenda Koinis

www.smoothersailing.com


If you enjoyed Brenda’s words, check out her other posts at Smoother Sailing. If you have your own example of special moments you have savored, share them in the comment sections below.

Key Takeaway – Practice gratitude often and don’t miss the little moments.

Coming Soon – What is Compound Interest and How Does It Work

Looking Back And Looking Forward – 2020

2020…One of the weirdest years ever. Has it been a black swan or a golden eagle? Some of us have been inconvenienced, some have been devastated. It’s been different thing to different people, but one thing we can all count on. It’s been Unpredictable!

I’d like to take a look back at some things I’ve experienced and look forward to what our life could look like next year. Come take a short journey with me through 2020.

Looking Back

My Big Event for 2020 – My Mom’s Death

On October 24, 2020, my Mom went home to be with her Jesus. This last year has been especially hard for her and me. She was 99 when she passed. Her health had been good till about mid-2018. Over the last 12 months dementia had taken hold, and then the quarantine amplified the dementia. She lived in an Assisted Living facility in another state and I was her sole caregiver and decision-maker outside of the facility staff. Most days I would talk to her 3-4 times a day. Some days she could carry on a normal conversation, and some days she didn’t know where she was. One bright spot was she continued to know who I was. She just couldn’t make sense of what was going on around her.

I will miss my Mom terrible, but Praise God the strain on her and me is over. She is now with her Savior and her heavenly family enjoying God’s perfect love for eternity.

Not Seeing Family

Not seeing family has been hard, but thank God for Zoom! Today’s technology has made the quarantining a little more palatable. I think we all felt a little relief this summer as things opened up slightly. Depending on your area of the country, your restrictions may have loosened a lot.

One thing I found interesting was how many people still went camping/fishing this past summer. I live near a highway that folks travel to go to the mountains. This past summer the road was full of RVs and campers. I hope you had a chance to get out and enjoy nature, also.

Stephen and I have even considered joining the ranks of RV’ers, but I have heard in parts of the country RVs were hard to come by. Because this was a way to get out and take your “clean home” with you, folks were snapping them up like hotcakes! Maybe there will be a good used market in a year or two!

Flexibility And Introspection

Did you find you had time for things you didn’t before? This is one area where I’m thankful for the changes to our lives. How many times have you thought, “If only I could slow down!” Did you find you had extra time to think, plan, do projects, make a phone call or read?

Or did the “new norm” strip you of all these opportunities as you tried to work and homeschool all at once? Those caught in this situation have probably learned a whole new level of planning and flexibility.

What Was The Deal With Toilet Paper!?!

What WAS the deal with toilet paper? I know, I’ve heard all the philosophical answers for this one, but I just want to go on record and say I DON’T GET IT!!

What I really won’t get is if it happens again!

How Did Your Money Do?

2020 was a roller coaster year for the stock market and our investments. (Just to review, Stephen and I only have paper investments, i.e. Stocks and Bonds. We don’t do real estate or side hustles.) March made us think a disaster was on the horizon and the next recession was imminent. Then the markets rebounded in record time.

Personally, our accounts had rebounded by the end of July. As of the first week in December, our net worth is higher than it’s ever been.

This cannot be said often enough…it’s not timing the market, but TIME IN the market that matters. After reading “The Simple Path to Wealth” in 2017, we moved our investments into VTSAX and VBTLX . We started our drawdown for retirement in about April 2019. Our portfolio was worth more at the end of 2019 than at the beginning. Even though we are drawing down. 2020 will be the same. Will this always happen? NO. Can we ride it out when it doesn’t? Absolutely.

2020 was hard on our emotions concerning our money, but it also gave us some incredible short-term opportunities. The important thing is that we learn from it. Please evaluate your financial situation today. What did you do well? What could you have done better? We can’t be perfect, but we can learn.

Looking Forward

Locking Down Again

I think we’re all weary of the quarantines and the ever-changing landscape of our lives. I know I am. We’ve probably been expecting our world to lock down again in the Fall, but I’ve been surprised at myself. I am more unhappy about it than I want to be. I guess a little freedom felt so good I didn’t want to have it wrangled back again.

This is an area I’m having to work on my own gratefulness. I know an attitude of gratitude is the best antidote for unhappiness and frustration. How has this been for you. Are you finding it hard to be content? I think I’m struggling with this happening during the holidays when I expected to be able to see family. Again, thank God for Zoom!

More Time

OK, enough with the pity party. The bright side of being locked down again is more time. I am also about to experience having more time because my caregiving job has ended. This will give me a freedom I’ve not ever experienced. Caring for my mom started before my kids left home, so it’s always been part of who I am.

I have to admit, I’m a little afraid of the same issues new retirees face. Like finding myself. Deciding what lights me up. I have no lack of passion projects, but now I will be making my own decisions about my time rather than reacting to each day’s emergencies. How will I decide where to spend my most precious resource – my time? It’s going to be a journey and I will try to keep you up to date on my progress.

One huge hope of mine is to spend more time on Stated At 50! I’ve not been able to post consistently to the blog or really care for my Facebook group. I’m excited and scared at the same time. Excited to be more consistent and more attentive. Scared because I’m still SO new to blogging and the technology. I feel like I’ve barely scratched the surface, but I think I’m up for the challenge. I always want to have the attitude of being a life-long learner.

This means you will be coming along this ride with me. I just ask for your patience and your support. If you see something that could be improved, tell me. If you want to hear about a particular topic, let me know. This blog is for YOU. You are my focus.

Spend The Mental Energy To Lock In Goals

The beginning of a new year always seems to be a good time for self-evaluation and goal setting. Did you notice I did not use the word resolutions? I think New Year’s Resolutions get a bad rap, but you can call them whatever your like. The point is to evaluate, ponder, and find those areas where you can get 1% better. Brad and Jonathan on ChooseFI talk frequently about talent stacking and becoming 1% better. If you improve by just 1% each week or month, think about the improvement over one year.

This idea relates to any area of your life. Your finances for sure, but what about your health? Or relationships or skills? Any area you would like to improve is possible. Just take the time to pay attention (My Mantra!) and honestly evaluate what you’d like to improve or what new goal you’d like to work on. As I said earlier, I’ll be working on learning more about blogging and improving my website.

Pray About Being More Generous Next Year

Personally, one area I would like to refine is my generosity. This is very important to Stephen and me. There are places where the opportunity is easy – sponsor a family for Christmas, give to the food bank or pregnancy center, or help a missionary. But lately, I’ve been feeling restless, like there is more I should be doing. Maybe not even with my money, but with my time and energy. I’m going to be praying about this one for sure. How about you? Does your generosity muscle need a little strengthening? One of my favorite sayings is “Our life moves at the speed of our generosity.” 2020 has been weird, but our generosity can’t be quarantined!

Refine Your Budget

Have you seen areas that may need to be tweaked or even changed all together? My own budget is changing because of Medicare. Stephen started in May and I will join the ranks of 65 and over in February. This has been an interesting challenge to figure out what to do with Medicare. (I will write an article in the future to let you know what we learned.) In our case, our monthly budget has decreased because of the lower health care premiums!

Even beyond budgeting, there may be items in your financial plan that need attention. Do you need to make a contribution to an IRA? Have you maxed out your HSA if you have one? Can you do any ROTH laddering? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, have no fear. I didn’t either a few short years ago. I’m not going to explain each one at this time – I’ll talk about them in another post, but there are lots of resources available. Again, ChooseFI’s podcast and website along with others have great resource material.

Be aware that each of these items, along with many others, have tax implications. BE SURE you understand the tax implications of what you do and when you do it. Some moves need to be made by Dec. 31st and some April 15th. Also, the tax rules for 2020 are different because of COVID. Some deadlines have changed and some items, like RMD’s are not due at all this year. Also, 2020 is giving us an “above the line” $300 charitable giving deduction. This means you can deduct $300 of charitable giving without having to itemize. Please consult a tax specialist for your situation with any of the items mentioned above.

Your Overall Financial Plan

Since the end of the year is a great time for evaluation, look at your financial plan. If you don’t have one, this is a good time to start building one. The time to put together your plan is not when the world is falling apart and the market is tanking. You need to write out a plan for your future finances when you are level-headed and not in a panic.

We’ve seen huge changes this year in a short period. The markets have dropped like a rock and then rebounded. The pandemic may have changed your mind about your risk tolerance. It may have given you an opportunity for a new income stream. No matter where you are today, look back and learn from where you’ve been.

No one could have seen 2020 coming. Now that it has, use it to make sure you are ready for the next “unexpected event”

Wrapping It Up

I hope to journey down this twisting road of life with you – talking about God, money and stuff! Let me know what you think. How are you coping? What are your goals for 2021? What is your family doing for Christmas?

It’s beginning to look a lot like…a Zoom Christmas!

I pray for you always and wish you a Merry Christmas and Blessed New Year.

Key Takeaway – Do your own version of looking back and looking forward. Write down goals and things you learned

Assignment – Answer this question in the comments below. What is one thing you learned about yourself in 2020?

Coming Soon – I’ll still be writing about Credit Cards. Watch your inbox!

…Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

Spreading the Message of Hope in Our FI Community

Becky’s story published on other platforms

Over the last few months I have been interviewed for other podcasts and websites. They have all gone “live” recently. I want to share these with you. Not to pat myself on the back, but because my story contains a message of hope. Hope that you or your loved ones can improve your finances, can improve today, and improve your future. Hope that It’s Not Too Late!

If you aren’t familiar with my story, you can read it here. In a nutshell, my husband Stephen and I made terrible financial decisions – for years! We found ourselves with no income, no emergency fund and paralyzed with fear. We turned things around at age 50 and retired at 63. In those 13 years we paid off our debt, funded 3 weddings, 4 college degrees and saved enough to retire comfortably.

During those bad years, we thought there was not hope. No chance we would ever retire or be free of the fear we lived with because of finances. But, there is hope.

Meet other friends in the FI community

My story has been published recently on two podcasts and one website. The podcasters and website writer come from different backgrounds with different perspectives. The reason they podcast and write are similar to mine: to reach people where they are and give them tools to improve their finances.

I would like for you to meet them and check out their sites. You might find new resources for your toolbelt.

One Life, Live It! Podcast and Go Bucket Yourself Website


Click here for my story on Episode 011.

One Life. Live It! Episode 11
Sound Bite #1
One Life. Live It!
Sound Bite #2

This is a podcast developed by Chris and Debbie Emick. Here is a little about Chris and Debbie and their website/podcast.

Chris and Debbie created Go Bucket Yourself after reaching financial independence by 40 through investing in rental real estate and while raising their two daughters. They were inspired to pay it forward by empowering others to create the life of freedom they desire.

At Go Bucket Yourself, Chris and Debbie believe it’s absolutely possible to build the life your soul is calling you to. All of their content is designed to guide you through overcoming fear, growing your mindset, eliminating obstacles and living an authentic, adventurous life.

On the podcast One Life. Live It!, you’ll hear stories designed to do just that, as well as show you that you’re not alone. There’s a community of folks out there navigating the messy middle of life together who are supporting and learning from each other along the way.

Micro Empires


Click here for my story on Micro Empires dated April 23, 2020.

The Micro Empires podcast is about real people achieving financial independence, one step at a time.  The host, Jennifer Grimson, has some experience with this. After losing everything (twice!), she rebuilt her financial well being using her W2 and some grit. In 4 years, she created $1.4m in income producing investments.  Jennifer pulls no punches, is refreshingly honest, and her guests are too! The guests are people with real experience and provide tactical steps that anyone can take to build toward their own financial independence.

Fiology


Click here for my story on Fiology.com dated May 29, 2020.

Meet David Baughier, the developer of Fiology.com. David believes pursuing Financial Independence results in a happier life.

His passion for educating and helping others led to the curation of the online resource Fiology, where knowledge and confidence in the concepts of Financial Independence build as you experience the 52 free lessons.  

Fiology uses content from the best and brightest of the FI community and creates lessons covering the critical concepts of FI. It is designed to help educate and motivate without scouring the internet reading, watching, and listening – wondering if you’ve educated yourself enough on any particular topic before moving onto the next. The intended audience ranges from those just beginning their FI journey to those who have achieved FI.

You can download a free fillable pdf version of The Fiology Workbook: Your Guide To Financial Independence here.

Final Thought

Check out One Life, Live It!, Micro Empires, and Fiology for other great content. See you next time!

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.

Hebrews 6:10-12

What I’ve Learned Through My Self-Quarantine

I’m sure, by now, we have all learned some new things about ourselves, our spouses, our families and even our pets! This time of quarantine has presented us with challenges and opportunities. Here are a few of mine.

What I’ve Learned in Quarantine

I should have had more money in Bucket 1 or the Cash Bucket. Stephen and I use the Bucket System for allocating our investments. Bucket 1 is cash and cash equivalents, Bucket 2 is Bonds and Bucket 3 is our Total Stock Market Index Fund. Bucket 1 should contain 2-3 years worth of money. Bucket 2 should contain 3-5 years and Bucket 3, the balance of our investments. The market had done so well over the last few years that we got greedy and kept a larger percentage in equities than our plan laid out. When the pandemic hit and the market fell, we found ourselves wishing there was more cash in the cash bucket. We will be fine, but a bigger cash cushion would have been comforting.

Be flexible. One thing Stephen and I always built into our budget plan was flexibility. We have set our budget in 3 phases. Phase 1 is the normal budget with all the bells and whistles. This includes our two biggest spending categories – our race car hobby and travel. Phase 2 would be normal budget without those two big categories. Phase 3 is what we call Skinny Budget, or cutting down all non-essential spending. Interestingly, most of us are probably operating in skinny budget right now. We can’t travel, can’t spend money on entertainment and we’re cooking at home. One thing I hope most of us have learned is that life goes on without all the frills. When life throws you a curve that affects your money, remember it’s probably temporary and you can cut back drastically if you need to.

I was going to use some of my cash to buy more equities, but now… no! When the market first started to tumble a couple of months ago, I reacted like a lot of others in the FI community: “It’s on sale and I should buy more.” As the reality of the virus and our US stock market started to sink in, I realized that this might not be the time to buy…for me. I am not in the wealth accumulation stage anymore, I’m in drawdown. Since I’m not investing new money, it was not a time for me to take my cash (Bucket 1) and invest even though the funds were “on sale.” For others, buying more stocks is a viable option, just not for me.

Now may be a good time to do your ROTH conversion. If you are in a position to do a ROTH conversion, now might be a good time. You can move more shares than before because of the lower per share price. We have moved about two-thirds of our planned 2020 conversion from a Traditional IRA to a ROTH IRA, and will re-evaluate later in the year for the other one-third. (Originally, I had added doing RMD’s to this paragraph, but I believe the IRS has suspended RMD’s for 2020.)

Look at rebalancing your allocations. Most of us probably re-balance our allocations at least once a year. Look at you current allocation. It may be a good time to do your re-balancing. I would also suggest keeping an eye on it for the rest of the year. 2020 may be the year of multiple re-balances.

I’m so thankful I don’t have a mortgage. There is a lot of debate on whether to pay off your mortgage early or invest. This discussion is as charged as the debt snowball vs debt avalanche debate. The right answer is always what’s right for you. For me personally, I’m so glad I don’t have mortgage payments right now. I’ve heard someone say that no matter what side of the mortgage payoff/invest debate you’re on, think about paying off that mortgage before you enter retirement. I agree!! Right now, my only required expenses are food, utilities and insurances. If I still had a mortgage, my expenses would be double.

Be the voice of calm and reason to your friends and family. We will get through this. Not everyone is in the same place emotionally or financially. Some are doing fine, and some have lost loved ones and/or jobs. For the most part, there are tons of “silver linings” that have come out of this quarantine. Be the calming and comforting voice in the ear of your family and friends.

Here are a few tips on ways to use your quarantine time.

Spend time with God. Spend some time to deepen your relationship with your Lord. Pray, meditate on scripture, listen to praise and worship music. Time with your Father is never wasted.

Temper feeling the need to homeschool your kids with just letting them read, play boardgames, play basketball and walk the dog. Every school district is handling the homeschool issue differently. Don’t stress yourself or your kids. Do your best and they will be fine when school starts next fall. The best thing they can do is READ.

If you have older kids, teach them a life skill. Teach them to cook, sew, change the oil, check the air pressure, balance a checkbook, use basic tools or properly clean the house. This is a great opportunity for enhancing life skills.

There are tons of free resources that have been recently added to the internet. Many organizations, like Scholastic, are offering their resources for free. The guys at ChooseFI (choosefi.com) have added several new resources to their website. They can be found on the home page. There is a section called Financial Resilience with tools for this time of quarantine, the Accidental Homeschooler, the K-12 curriculum for financial literacy and the FI 101 online class for adult financial literacy. These resources are all FREE.

Have your kids keep a journal (written, computer, video) of what is happening and their experiences and feelings. We are living in what will be an unprecedented history.

Have you lost your job or afraid you may lose it in the near future? Don’t be too proud to go get another job temporarily. Some businesses like the grocery stores or shipping warehouses are hiring.

Stay in touch with family and friends. Keep the connection with people even though we can’t be together physically. Stephen and I have made a list of people to stay in contact with, and we’ve been surprised by the reaction we get when we call “just to check in.” Even those of us who are introverts needs human contact. God did not create us to be autonomous.

Develop a new skill. This is a great time to develop a new skill or hobby. Especially if you have lost your job or think you might. A new marketable skill could be advantageous in the next few months.

Create your family emergency binder/legacy box. All of us need a set of legal documents like a will, medical directive to physicians and power of attorney. Another set of documents we all need is a family emergency binder or legacy box. This would contain instructions for family members in case of an emergency where you temporarily could not make decisions for yourself, or in case of your death. This is one of the most loving things you can do for your family. Don’t leave those who will come behind you guessing about what you want and where all the documents are. Various versions of this can be found online for a small cost.

Flex your generosity muscle. If you have the resources, give to your local food bank, church’s needs fund, pet shelter, or the local charity of your choice. Get take-out food and give a big tip. Offer to pick up your neighbor’s groceries. Find ways to be extravagantly generous!

This is not an exhaustive list. Please add anything you have discovered in the comments.

Stay safe and healthy! Let’s pray for each other, and we will get through this together!

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 11

Being On The Same Page With Your Spouse

Getting a reluctant spouse on board may be difficult, but being on the same page with your spouse is crucial to your success.

Have you wondered, “Will my spouse and I ever agree about money?! Can we possibly work together to create the life we want or will we always be at odds?” The bad news is…money issues are the primary reason for divorce in America. Good news…there’s hope.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to be on the same page with your spouse financially. When you’re not, it’s like being in the same boat, but rowing in opposite directions. You’re together, but you spend a lot of energy and go nowhere.

Why We Can’t Get On The Same Page

One of the reasons Stephen and I spent so many years drifting in our finances is because We Didn’t Pay Attention. I kept thinking it would somehow magically all work out. But the more difficulty we faced, the more our lack of unity was a problem. We needed to make some hard decisions and we couldn’t agree.

Getting on the same page with your spouse is possible. Not easy, but possible. Stephen and I struggled with not agreeing on spending, saving or even how to do Christmas! There were many reasons for our divergent ideas.

  • Background – Everyone grows up with different money experiences in their childhood.
  • Personality – Are you a natural spender or a natural saver. There are lots of times when a spender is married to a saver. (That’s not all bad, by the way.)
  • Gender Differences – Men look at money as a measure of achievement or a “scorecard”. Women look at money as part of their security system. When it is not stable, fear can set in. (I experience this!)
  • Divergent Goals – Each partner may have a different idea of what’s important to them.
  • Lack of Goals – You may not have thought about goals or what you’d like your future to look like.

All these issues can be overcome.

Money Represents Your Values

Your money and the way you handle it represents your family’s value system. You may not have thought much about that, but now is a great time to start.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Matthew 6:21

Dream With Your Spouse

Get a cup of coffee, sit on the deck or take a walk in the park and have a conversation. Just dream. Talk about your dreams and your desires for your future. What do YOU want it to look like? What does YOUR SPOUSE want it to look like? Share your desires for your future with each other. Write them down to reference later. If you made your list of 10 Things That Make Me Happy from the previous post, Where Do I Start With My Money? now is a good time to pull that out.

While you’re having this conversation, REALLY LISTEN to your spouse. What do you hear from them that maybe you weren’t aware of? What pain might you be hearing from their childhood? Many of the items I shared above may surface during this conversation. The differences in your upbringing, differences is personality or goals. Have grace and patience with each other. Remember, the end-game is to walk into your future together, hand-in-hand.

I entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3

Budgeting With Your Spouse

Working on the budget is where the rubber meets the road. If you don’t have a budget yet, you’ll need to start working on one. Find instructions and spreadsheet templates for a budget in How To Do A Budget. If you have one prepared or you’ve been using a budget for a while, it may be time to revisit and revise.

Usually, one partner is a money person or a spreadsheet nerd. Most times the other is not. The one with the talent and penchant for spreadsheets can prepare the preliminary budget. But BOTH partners need to make the final decisions. This will require some give and take, some negotiation over categories and amounts. But in the end, you should be able to determine a budget that reflects your goals and your values.

The Board Meeting Is a Great Way To Get On the Same Page With Your Spouse

One way Stephen and I softened the harshness of talking money was to schedule “Board Meetings”. Arrange a time and place where you can be away from the kids and other distractions to talk money. We would often have our Board Meetings at our favorite “hole in the wall” Mexican food restaurant. If spending money for this is not in the budget, go to the park or someplace that is meaningful to you.

Being away from distractions and normal surroundings can sometimes make these conversations easier. Have these Board Meetings as often as you need. Later on, they will become something you look forward to.

Side Note: We found this was also a good way to have a “calendar meeting”. Coordinating schedules can also eliminate stress on your emotions and your budget. If you know that 3 nights next week you will be at school functions or games, you can plan ahead for meals and not “run through the drive-through”.

Key Takeaway – Getting a reluctant spouse on board may be difficult, but it is crucial to your success. Show them why you want to implement changes. Show them how much better your future can be if you don’t just follow the norm.

Assignment – Have a few conversations with your spouse. Dream and talk about your 10 Things list. Paint them a picture of what you would like your future to look like. If you can, set up a “Board Meeting” to do this.